So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we're making bets on your personal life
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize