you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
