What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
