turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I intend to get homeless drunk
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
