This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
