oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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