singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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