i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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