mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
