Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
