If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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