The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
