Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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