Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
