Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
