So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
