So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
