I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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