My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
