Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
