Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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