Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
