At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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