i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
