When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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