hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
