do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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