New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
