I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
