Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
But theres a keg here and me gusta
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
