I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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