Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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