I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
