yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
