i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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