Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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