Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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