Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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