just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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