I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
At least make sure they are 18
Why
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
