I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
