Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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