Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
