your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
