I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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