i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
