I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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