dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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