i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
