You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
