Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
