i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
