How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
